Patrick McManus on trying to get your trailer lights to work

On an earlier post, in response to a comment asking if I’d read Patrick McManus’s outdoor stories, I mentioned one of my favorite McManus pieces. Published in 1985 in his book The Grasshopper Trap (Holt, Rinehart and Winston), this story relates the frustration, well- known to campers, boaters, hunters, and all ilk of trailer-pullers, of trying to get trailer lights to work. I’ve just run across that story again, and thought I could give the flavor of McManus’s humor (he’s the Will Rogers of contemporary outdoor writing, imho) by quoting the first couple of paragraphs of the story.

One of Kephart’s later stories, I think published in Saturday Evening Post though I’d have to look it up, was advice for on-the-road camping cookery. As I recall, the illustration showed what now appears as a primitive camping trailer. He was undoubtedly familiar with the topic of trailer lights, and I like to think of a smudged, sweaty Kephart, his shirtsleeves rolled up, on his back under the trailer, looking at the the wire in each hand, saying to himself, “Brakelight? Or taillight?”

So here’s McManus, in ”Trailer Trials.”

“Shortly after man invented the wheel, he invented the trailer. Ever since then, he has been trying to figure out how to hook up the lights.

“I know a man who claims the lights on his boat trailer once worked twice consecutively. Anyone with one or more trailers will instantly recognize this as an outrageous claim, but the man is a member of the clergy, and for that reason alone I believe him. On the other hand, he’s also a fisherman, so he may be exaggerating a bit. Possibly his trailer lights worked only once consecutively.

“Over the course of his life, any sportsman worthy of the name will own a dozen or so trailers of various kinds–utility trailers, tent trailers, boat trailers, house trailers, horse trailers, trail-bike trailers, and snowmobile trailers, to name but a few. That is the reason researchers estimate that one-eighth of a sportsman’s life is spent trying to hook up trailer lights.”

If this taste of McManus induces anyone to read further, you’ll find plenty. Check your local public library, of course, and an Amazon search shows 239 hits for Patrick McManus, including all the editions of his outdoor books and his equally hilarious “crime” novels based on the loveable Sheriff Bo Tully of Blight, Idaho.

They make excellent holiday gifts, and appear on my own list for the Elves, along with more of Louis L’Amour’s great Westerns.

Published in:  on November 26, 2007 at 10:25 pm Leave a Comment
Tags: ,

The Old Woodsman’s turkey stuffing

In honor of Thanksgiving, I give you Horace Kephart’s simple woodsman’s recipe for turkey stuffing. Of course, those who are actually preparing dinner today are hopefully beyond needing a recipe and will be sitting at the table, well stuffed themselves by this time, maybe having pumpkin pie.

But there are a host of people who, having dinner at a friend’s table today, will have their own turkey at home, maybe secretly, in the coming days. This is for you.

The following is verbatim from the 1910 second edition of Kephart’s Camp Cookery, Outing Publishing Co. It appears unchanged in the ”Camp Cookery” chapter  in the current University of Tennessee Press reissue of the Macmillan 1917 edition of Camping and Woodcraft.

Here goes:

Stuffing for turkey

1. If chestnuts are procurable, roast a quart of them, remove shells, and mash.

Add a teaspoon of salt, and some pepper. Mix well together, and stuff the bird with them.

2. Chop some fat salt pork very fine; soak stale bread or crackers in hot water, mash smooth, and mix with the chopped pork. Season with salt, pepper, sage, and chopped onion. No game bird save the wild turkey should be stuffed, unless you deliberately wish to disguise the natural flavor.

That’s it, an old-time, minimal approach to stuffing.

The funny thing is that when I read the recipe, I thought it was one recipe with with two steps, using (if you have them) chestnuts AND salt pork. And I thought it must be a very rare editing error that Kephart would have you stuff the turkey in the first step, then go on to mix the rest of the recipe and do what with it?

I pointed out this apparent error to my wife and her friend Margaret, with whom she happened to be on the phone this afternoon. When they stopped laughing, they explained to me that Kephart was giving us two different recipes, and it was unlikely, nowadays at least, that a cook would mix chestnuts with salt pork. If you have chestnuts, do recipe #1. If not, use recipe #2 with salt pork.

Kep’s got several recipes for cooking the turkey: roasted (“Suspend the fowl before a high bed of hardwood coals….”) and boiled. Who boils a turkey now? We deep fry them in fat. So much better for us.

Published in:  on November 23, 2007 at 12:23 am Comments (3)
Tags: , ,

Veterans’ Day musings

Today is Veterans’ Day. Apparently, humans are fated to make war. Wars make veterans. We’ll never run out. I’ve been watching Ken Burns’ The War on public television for the last six weeks. During the early dark days of World War II, there was apparently serious worry by Allied politicians that they could conceivably lose the war. What would the world be like had that happened?

This and other recent sharp sticks to the memory, including watching a new Dutch film called Black Book, and an old British film called The Cruel Sea. A friend sent  a video, called “A Pittance of Time ” by Canadian Terry Kelly (http://www.terry-kelly.com/pittance/pittance_en.htm# and click on “video”).  The deaths of war chroniclers Kurt Vonnegut and just now, Norman Mailer, and interviews today with veterans on the Alaska public radio show AK (http://www.akradio.org). They all generate in my memory a swarm of free-floating bits of history, disjointed images, blurry personal experiences, possibly mis-remembered snippets of conversations, and questions I ask myself about war.

Warning: this will be a long one.

I was born on the North Pacific coast, in Astoria, Oregon on Dec. 2, 1942, five days short of a year after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. In Europe the Germans lay siege to Stalingrad, where the inhabitants were eating rats if they were lucky. At home, what was thought to be a Japanese submarine surfaced offshore one night in mid-June, and shelled the beach near Fort Stevens, a coastal artillery and harbor defense installation across the bay from Astoria. My dad, who spent the war working in a shipyard that built wooden minesweepers for the Navy and was thus exempt from military service (we never discussed how he felt about that) told me that like other Astorians, he awoke and saw the shell flashes and heard the thumps. No casualties, but he said it made people nervous. “Damn Japs.” Likely the shells had been maladroitly aimed at Fort Stevens. There was general alarm on the West coast about a Japanese invasion. Much later, we learned that a Japanese general reportedly counseled against such a move, arguing “In America there’s a rifle behind every blade of grass.”

I made rubbings of gravestones in the little cemetery at Fort Stevens: artillerymen,  and coast guardsmen drowned in the Columbia River.

My birthday was also the day Enrico Fermi and his colleagues at the University of Chicago produced the first controlled, sustained atomic chain reaction in a primitive nuclear reactor, paving the way for the atom bombs dropped on Japan in 1945.

The Vietnam War followed World War II by only about 15 years, depending on when you start counting, and the Korean Armistice had been signed in 1953. In 1961, I joined the army just out of high school, and volunteered for Vietnam. This was before the war became a political issue – who knew – and that’s where the action was. But the army apparently needed my particular training in Germany. My only remote hint of combat was during the brief period of the Cuban missile crisis in 1962. I rode around northern Germany with the other guys in my detachment in the back of our truck, our M-14’s between our knees. We didn’t know where we were going, but rumor had it we would head west to Holland if the Soviets began to pour through the Fulda Gap. We were marginally and delusionally comforted by the knowledge we were a communications intelligence unit, not infantry, armored, or artillery. The crisis passed, though we later learned it came close to The Big One, and we went back to our secret work at our hut in the middle of the turnip field.

In Germany, days after I was discharged, I married a German woman. Sylvia’s father had died in action in World War II as a U-boat crewman in the North Atlantic. Knowing this gives new feeling to watching Das Boot or The Cruel Sea, both accounts of the desperate sea battles of the North Atlantic. From all accounts, her father was a good and decent man, doing his duty, which was torpedoing Allied shipping and sailors. Americans and Brits did their duty by killing German submariners whenever possible.

Fathers, brothers, sons, uncles in uncountable numbers fought in savage battles on the Eastern Front, and suffered terribly for Hitler or for Stalin and their invaded homeland. If you survived, you were a veteran. Hundreds of thousands, millions, of soldiers, sailors, airmen and civilians on all sides just disappeared.

One of Sylvia’s relatives was taken prisoner by the Russians, sent to Siberia, and came home 15 years later. I don’t know how he got so lucky. On the other side, the Russians suffered beyond understanding. I knew an Estonian veteran who fought with the Russians against the German invaders, then somehow wound up in a refugee camp in Germany that was located right across the road from our military post. He said he was the only survivor of his entire regiment. He was lonely and wanted to talk. I wonder what happened to him.

He may have spun yarns, of course. Veterans do. Or the passage of time blurs the details. A Canadian friend and I were comparing tattooes. He said he got his on shore leave while on convoy escort duty in the grim North Atlantic campaign. Yet when his obituary was published, there’s a photo of him riding the hood of a jeep, playing his pipes, as Allied troops crossed the Rhine into Germany. Maybe he did both. He was a remarkable guy.

When I was in Germany in the early ’60s American soldiers had a problematic reputation among the German civilians, but I was accepted by my wife’s family even before we were married, tentatively at first, then warmly. My mother-in-law Ester, a wonderful and gentle woman, was a superb cook and delighted in feeding a refugee from the mess hall. Otto, Sylvia’s stepfather, was a war veteran of the German navy, loved opera in German, and talked of visiting occupied Paris on leave. I wonder how that must have been? When I was first in Paris in the early 1960’s, a lot of buildings still bore bullet holes, testimony of the fierce Parisian resistance in the last days of the occupation.

No one in my wife’s family, and no neighbor, no one, escaped the destruction of the war and its aftermath. They were good, kind people, and I loved them all. Did they know about the concentration camps? Yes, but they couldn’t do anything about it. The Gestapo was everywhere. Or no, they had no idea. “How could our nation of Goethe and Schiller be guilty of such things?” Or, in the case of one of Sylvia’s friends, “It was the Russians who were responsible for the camps.”

I’m in no position to judge. It could happen again.

After the army I was a student in Germany, and lived in a town outside Munich. It was close enough that I could ride my bicycle to what was left of the Dachau concentration camp. The sign over the wrought iron gate still read “Arbeit macht frei.” Work makes you free. I took a long solo bike trip from Munich to Vienna, Zagreb, and Venice. Everywhere were reminders of one war or another. Every town square in Europe has a monument to its share of each war’s dead. The “Gefallen.” I crossed the Inn River at Braunau, Hitler’s home town. No “Home of Adolf Hitler”  plaque noticed. Cycling along the Danube, I spotted a small sign that said “Mauthausen.” I knew of Mauthausen, but didn’t know it was here. I cycled up a long hill and found myself at the remains of another concentration camp, even worse than Dachau. Here, it was said, Himmler’s policy was “Death through work.”

I lived in Amsterdam, two canals from the Anne Frank house. I visited many times. When I was there, in the early 1970’s, popular feeling about the Germans was still evident, a generation after the war. When asked directions by a German tourist, it was the custom, even for children, to always reply, “Gerade aus.” Straight ahead. Germans occasionally found their car windows broken in the morning. I was glad I wasn’t a German, and I understood the motivation.

I rode my bike around the Dutch countryside a lot, and several times I peered behind tall hedgerows to find small, well-tended cemeteries full of rows of precisely spaced markers. The names represented a spectrum of the Allied countries of World War II. Free Polish airborne and American glider troops who died behind German lines after the Normandy landings, in battles including the ill-fated Operation Market Garden.

Today’s radio interviews with veterans included the reading of a loving and tender letter from an American soldier to his wife from France, Armistice Day 1918. I paraphrase: “It’s the greatest day there ever was. . . We’ll never have to do this again.”

There were several inteviews with vets who fought with the 10th Mountain Division in Italy, and helped push Germans north, out of the Appennines. They suffered terrible casualties. When I began climbing in the mid-60’s, ropes, crampons, clothing, and other gear, was primitive by today’s standards. Not a speck of Spandex then. But in their day in the 10th Mountain, those mountaineers were devising the break-through gear that we were glad to buy 20 years later at army-navy surplus stores. Nylon ropes, better crampons and ice axes and pitons. Down jackets and sleeping bags. Those veterans revolutionized the sport and created an industry after the war, making outdoor gear and founding ski schools, making first ascents, creating a culture.

I have three veteran friends, two my age, about whom I’m worried. One is a high-school classmate with lung cancer, induced by exposure to Agent Orange in Vietnam. The Veterans Administration, possibly anxious to redeem its shabby reputation for serving veterans, including Agent Orange-injured soldiers, is taking care of him and his family. I regret years went by before I reconnected with Bob after high school.

Another old friend is the only army buddy with whom I did keep in touch, all these years. He has chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. A curmudgeon with a sharp sense of humor, he and I have had some great times. I’ll visit Don and Shirley in Canada next month. He also spent time in Vietnam, but he maintains that what happened is he smoked himself to death.

There are, I understand, four World War I vets still living. World War II vets are dying in droves. And Iraq/Afghanistan vets are learning what it’s like to be home.

My young friend, in his 20s, returned not long ago from an extended tour as an infantryman in Iraq. His buddy was killed. He lost his fiancee.  He’s out of the army now, on the road, putting his life back together. He’ll be fine. He hates the war like poison.

According to a recent news item from The New York Times, “More than 400 veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars have turned up homeless, and the Veterans Affairs Department and aid groups say they are bracing for a new surge in homeless veterans in the years ahead.” One vets’ counselor in San Diego was quoted as saying “We’re beginning to see, across the country, the first trickle of this generation of warriors in homeless shelters. . . but we anticipate that it’s going to be a tsunami.”

And so it goes.

Published in:  on November 11, 2007 at 11:01 pm Comments (1)
Tags:

Piping at its best

ins_jacklee.jpg

Piper Jack Lee

I rattled on about bagpipes and piping in a previous blog. One of my classmates kindly read it and asked for audio of how these ancient instruments actually sound. Oh man, don’t get me started. But I’m happy to oblige, and better than just audio, here’s a YouTube vid of one of my favorite pipers in all the world: Jack Lee, at a pub on Maui on St. Patrick’s Day 2006.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JN-CtTRu7tw

Jack’s a nice guy, a friend, an outstanding performer, and world champion many times over in Grade 1 competition. On one occasion when the Fairbanks Red Hackle Pipe Band brought Jack to Fairbanks, he did a public recital at Noel Wien Library and packed the house to overflowing. Lots of piping fans in this town.

I’ve been lucky enough to have instruction from him on several occasions over the past dozen or so years. He’s a very good teacher but I’ll need a lot more instruction, because I’m still a long way from Grade 1.  I started late, I won’t live long enough, and more talent would be good.

Pipes as solo instruments are the ultimate, but the other setting for pipes is in the pipe band, which stem from the British Army bands of the 19th Century. Here’s a vid of Jack with the Simon Fraser University Pipe Band (http://www.sfupipeband.com/) of Vancouver, British Columbia at the World Championships in Glasgow, 2006. They’ve won the Grade 1 World Pipe Band Championship, the best of the best, four times since 1995, and placed very high when they didn’t win. The initial footage is taken at the 2006 Pacific Northwest Highland Games near Seattle, where my band also competed. We didn’t win. They did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yksA_T-2bU

Thanks to Kansas City’s  www.winterstorm.net for the photo of Jack.

Published in:  on November 5, 2007 at 10:07 am Leave a Comment

Strange goings-on: is the Tanana changing course at Byers Island?

byers-island2.jpg

This image, from Google Earth (http://earth.google.com/, download application for free), shows Byers Island in the Tanana River, just southwest of Fairbanks International Airport. I don’t find the map date, but the water is a bit low, so this satellite shot was likely done as the river drops in the Fall. The silt bars are visible. This is a big bend in the river, where the current, running from right to left, bumps into the ancient loess of Chena Ridge, and is diverted to the southwest about 60 river miles until it reaches the town of Nenana at the southern end of these northeast-southwest uplands. There the river turns north, then west, into the huge waterfowl nesting areas of Minto Flats State Game Refuge. You can see all this on Google Earth. Or, for that matter, on topo maps and in the printed Alaska Atlas & Gazetteer.

The road running northeast-southwest is Chena Pump Road, just southwest of the city of Fairbanks, but well within the ‘burbs, as you can see from the houses and neighborhoods. The clear Chena River enters the silty Tanana just off the upper right side of this image.

And–to get to the point of all this–the map shows the major stream  of the Tanana to be running over the top of the island, and the secondary stream, essentially a slough except under heavy flow conditions,  flowing on its southerly side. The two channels can be seen to meet at the southwest corner of Byers Island. (In the Alaska Atlas, the secondary stream/slough is shown as a tiny blue line, while the main river is depicted as a more substantial river-y looking broad blue strip.)

For 27 years I’ve been watching the river from my house on Chena Ridge. I look out over Byers Island. Not much changes on the river. One summer is like the last, one freezeup is like the last. But this year it changed. Damndest thing. As freezeup started its stately sequence in October, with chunks of ice coming down the river from the mountains of its birth, what had been the secondary channel, along the island’s southern edge, became the primary channel. The former primary channel, making the curve at the top of the island on the Google Earth view, narrowed and clogged with ice and became the secondary channel.

This thumbnail of a photo taken from my house shows, just to the left of center, the southeast tip of Byers Island. This is where the yellow pushpin appears in the Google Earth image. The photo was taken looking from the west looking east.

dscn0547_edited.jpg

The river is iced over, and much of what’s not forest is river bottom in summer. It’s now snow-covered exposed glacial silt.  The former primary current is in the foreground. The new primary stream in the background was flowing water and ice chunks for at least a week after the old primary stream (foreground) had dropped in volume and frozen over.  The jumbled ice pans that floated downstream have clumped together and both channels are now frozen over, although a few patches of open water remain here and there.

If I had taken the photos earlier, while there was still  open water, it would be a lot more obvious.

So what happened to the river? Don’t know. Maybe ice blocks barricaded the formerly major stream, diverting water into the other channel. Or we’re seeing the endless slow-motion perambulations of a braided river, silting up oxbows and setting new channels. Maybe…. global warming! I’m no hydrologist or geographer,  and I haven’t talked with anyone who might actually know anything about this. I did chat with my neighbor, a pilot, who also noticed the channel change. In any case, it might be an interesting situation for the company that runs summer tourist riverboats from the Chena River into the Tanana. Maybe they’ll have to change their summer routes, relocate tourist stops, who knows what all.

Or–come breakup in the spring, it all may just revert to the way it was.

In any case, my neighbor and I agreed it was always more fun to conjecture than to actually find the truth. Hey-we’re just human.

You can download Google Earth and find Byers Island, and Fairbanks and the Fred Meyers stores and Wal*Mart, and the UAF campus. You can zoom in on your house. If the images were in real time, like military surveilance satellite shots, and you had enough resolution, you could read the license plate of the car now parked in your driveway. Who is that anyway?